by Br. Jesus Matias, ofs
It is undeniable that no one is fully responsible for one’s name, nor does anyone have complete control over what was given to us at birth: a body, a mind, the life of a body which we often call “a soul”, the make-up of our emotions, the peculiar ways of thinking, and all other abilities we need in engaging with the world.
We are the product of a creation process that we do not hold; it simply happens and we become us. Who we are is who we are, and when we do develop our faculties to have better control of what we have been created to be, we can only build on the foundation of our birth-event.
If I have a funny name, what else can I do about it except to show others that I can still be taken seriously. If I have poor cognitive abilities, what else can I do except to prove that behind a slow brain, within lies a careful and considerate heart. If I have a dull body, boring emotions and strange habits, what else can I do except to try to be the best person that I am. The world seems to expect perfection even if it is itself not perfect, so what else can I do but to be what it wants me to be. And here lies the danger when I forget who I truly am.
But what I cannot deny is that my name is the expression of an aspiration made a long time ago, the voice of my parents travelling through time, telling others of the hopes and dreams that they have for me as a child. What I cannot deny too is that this imperfect self is the fruit of a love committed, a union of two persons that may have transcended the world and saw each other for what they truly are. I may not have everything that may ever be desired, but I am a life, a thinking and feeling life, a child borne from love and truth. Beneath my social facade, is who I really am.
What is most surprising and ironic to me, is that the person that I have become, over which I had utterly no control, may be my most genuine self. It is an unadulterated, pure self, a being that I have not chosen to become, a being that even my parents can only hope for would be the best. Who then decided my genuineness at the birth-event? Whose aspirations clearly ensured that I would become who I truly am?
Is it the Spirit who created me?
I did not choose my name, but my name is the yearning, and even an eternal reminder of my parents to me of who they think and believe is my genuine self. If I change my name, for most of us, it becomes a sacrilege to their memory, though I do have the free will to change it if I think I have discovered a truer self. But as for me, I dare not change what true love has created – my name is exactly that.
I did not choose me, but I am the yearning of God, for why should I exist, if he does not will it? My birth-self is my true self, and it is the self that God wishes for me, even if that birth-self has a short stature, poor memory, an angry nature and all those attributes that would not fit in our “beauty” category. It is a birth-self that has a mission, that has a purpose for its imperfections. The Spirit may allow me to improve on what he made me to be, but to change me is to bear sacrilege and to insult he who gave the love to create me.
What’s in a name? My name is my parents’ dream, waiting to come true.
Who am I really? I am our loving Father’s dream come true.
